Sierra Mazzucca's Poetry site

Just because I’m working on my mental health, doesn’t mean I think I’m better than a person who chooses to stay unwell. It just means I’m working on my internal dialog daily, and I’m not perfect. At the very least well.I’m working on making myself content with knowing the past versions of myself. For instance today I had to set a 5-minute timer to allow myself to wallow in my own guilt surrounding yesterday’s choices. This my sweet little psyche always chooses to think and ruminate on during the worst times and hours of the following day 90% dramatized, I guess I should say. Apparently, I really need to feel that sharp impale during the 5 minutes of living today’s moments, with yesterday’s guilt and shame during that timeout period I chose to take today with yesterday’s pain. Which is actually 10% real, This I realize when I am out of my anxiety driven panic state. Because let’s face it, when we’re in it time’s just an illusion. The world is ending and the sky is falling. Yet still I am stopping to focus on Yesterday’s spilled milk? Haha Guilt… I hate you. You make me lose moments in days. Focusing on hours you already claimed. Just to re-live feelings that were derived from False impersonations of the characters those past versions of me played. Why the heck am I still walking onto this unappealing, applaud lacking stage. Only to draw center to all things I wished I could reclaim. Guilt, you are the main villain in this play. Still, you too have a significant role to play. So yeah, I’m working daily on myself. The thing is guilt, regret, and shame are just reoccurring roles I sometimes get in costume to play and recreate, for those 5-minute timeouts I need to take. In those moments, I feel unwell. I think it’s a way to keep me regulated and on the forever path to improving wellness within myself It’s more a timed woe is me opportunity. I still have to take a bow out and do a few oh hell no’s to save my sanity.

By Sierra Mazzucca