Ever since I can recall, happiness and joy were never eager friends, they were no friend of mine at all. So when I found myself starting to experience glee, I would tell myself it didn’t belong to me. I tried desperately to control that E, but my brain was wired, and it was working against me. So whenever something joyful and exciting occurred, I would convince myself it was not mine and how could I feel it was mine to deserve. Cherophobia is an irrational aversion to happiness, worried something will happen. It’s a belief. Which is an acceptance of a statement, it can only thrive when we give it energy to survive. Its just my whole life anytime I have felt immense peace, my brain literally gets on the loud speaker and announces this feeling has no business inside me. That false message is usually pushed out by anticipatory anxiety , always scared of future events as they are not controlled by me. This is very informing, but now present paralysis has taken the lead, and I am trapped in a cycle of worry, for nothing. No real reason, just the false beliefs inside me. Which are evidence of past trauma that’s just been piling. Making it difficult to believe that after everything, I have the space for self-love inside of me. But I do, and always did. I let the false message from outside sources penetrate my hippocampus again and again. So the helmet of salvation has made its way in, I AM WORTHY of love, health, wealth, and endless peace. May as long as you have breath circulating you remember to believe, happiness begins inside and no one can take that from you or I.
By Sierra Mazzucca
Los Angeles Poet
#healing #faith #poetry
Sierra Mazzucca's Poetry site 
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