Still working on my processing program to make some new paths. Though, I have to be honest today I feel angry and sad. I want to burn every way my feelings can travel down, right to the parts that turn them into actions, from those feeling clowns. I never said the wellness journey was all butterflies and bubbles. It’s definitely not all sunny days with no troubles. No, the work is endless and forever pulling doubles. Daily I am learning new tools for my emotional construction workers to use. Whereas before they just sealed up any parts that seemed weak and too broken to use. The out of sight and out of mind philosophy catches up, one brick at a time. I promise you as I am currently cleaning up the large piles, they left me behind. Bricks made from undealt trauma, anger, sadness, worry, and doubt. All of which I was shown to just ignore and cast out. Taught I don’t have to face it, just pretend to feel alright. So I did, until I needed to process the darkness into light. I was reminded why I chose for so long not to face that side. It was full of everything I was taught to hate about myself and hide. I’m not broken and damaged, disregarded or used. I was a child who was taught by watching adults: how to act, react and how and when emotions are to be used. I will say I’m getting better at using the “I” statements , more than the youse. I understand now that healing daily is what I need to choose to do. Otherwise I will get stuck being a victim following old damaging rules. Though I am still human and emotions have roles. Today I was angry and sad but now I acknowledge those feelings instead of holding on, I feel them and allow them to pass. Progress on the endless journey for wellness is never going to be an easy path, but it will support a life worth living unlike the weight you once carried from someone else’s past.
By Sierra Mazzucca
Los Angeles Poet
#progress #self-love #poetry #inspiration
Sierra Mazzucca's Poetry site 
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