Sometimes I wonder what you would look like. I can get lost in daydreams, as if I were fast asleep at night. I think about how you would have smelled, and felt. How tiny your hands and feet would have been and how cute your diapers would have fit. If only if only I wasn’t a kid pregnant. I think about why I didn’t think twice. I hate that I stole your life with just a signature and 1 thousand and five, measly dollars to remove any ability for you to survive inside. I know I will forever blame myself for not giving your lungs a chance to express a cry. I treated your life like it had no heart, and I had no damn right. I should have gave you a chance. I should have gave you your life . I was a broken kid with no home, I didn’t want to torture another innocent soul. I had nothing to give you that was right. I thought I was saving your light. That is no excuse, but I felt it was about time and this apology is long overdue. I tried to push this down far enough out of reach, but the guilt it plates me and tries to constantly devour me. I know this doesn’t save me and I don’t want to be. Though, I just felt it time, you heard from earth mommy. You matter and always did, I am sorry it took so long for you to hear that from me. Love , Earth mommy

By Sierra Mazzucca
Los Angeles Poet
#Loss #poetry #love #forgiveness
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