Sierra Mazzucca's Poetry site

I wish I could have loved you.

Every time you needed me to.

I really do.

I wish that I always loved who I was, when I was with you.

But that’s the thing, around you I had to lose me.

Just so you could make others comfy.

I lost entire identities, within you to be this version of me.

All for people who already came and took their leave.

Whatever she was, whoever she was to me.

I just let her faze out like old news, no longer trending.

All for the sake of hopefully being loved or validated by someone who couldn’t stand me.

You couldn’t love me, even if you tried.

You didn’t even know who I was , she had to hide.

Didn’t think about me as a human being with feelings.

You only seen me as an easy opportunity.

One you could control and conquer.

always another way to use me.

Just a holder of a space, you never could clear for me.

Never once did you care to care about me.

My heart was just a trampoline, a punching bag for your any release.

I was your any need.

Not your everything.

Over time I learned love was not something I could outsource.

Because I never had access to the initial power source.

I never knew self-love was needed before love could be received.

I just wanted to show you, we’re healing.

But, we’re also still hurting truthfully.

The you, the me, and all those identities.

It was hard to find, but I found my hearts power line.

I am working on revising the old messages that travel from heart to mind.

I am validating the parts of me that never felt worthy.I

feel like I am starting to breathe, and relax in the skin my spirit has chosen to rest in.

I love who I am with you, because I am falling in love with you.

It has been challenging.

I admit self-love has been the hardest love to prove, to me.

Especially, when growing up in an environment where loving yourself and validating your own feelings, was not the normal thing to do.

Practice will never make perfect.

but repetition will eventually become ones new truth.

Now, I don’t wish. I DO.