Hi, I’m Sierra Mazzucca. I want to welcome to my little corner of the internet—where words find their way through the heart’s tangled paths. This blog is home to poetry born from the quiet and loud moments of life. I write to give shape to what we often struggle to say—grief, love, healing, hope, faith, and the simple weight of everyday experience. Whether you’re navigating mental health challenges, processing loss, celebrating love, or searching for something deeper, I hope my words meet you where you are. Each poem is a reflection, a release, a reminder that you’re not alone. Thank you for being here.

  • Who

    Who am I? I don’t know, to be fair. I’ve been many different people in the past. So it’s hard for me to decipher which parts played were actually me and which versions were part of the act. I always try to be myself no matter the situation that I am dealt. Still, it’s challenging when you’ve lost yourself inside one of those passed played versions of yourself. Western medicine seems to push me down further into a familiar hell. At the same time, it’s supposed to be helping me from thinking obsessively or lodging this flesh sack off the freeway overpass thoughtlessly, to make myself feel “well”.

    As the old dialogue still runs through hell. I want to be the best parts of me but it’s unfair as I still feel so far from me. Who am I, is the million-dollar question my reflection has not reflected or responded back to me. This journey of finding me sometimes feels like a lost cause as I have been constantly changing and new versions have replaced me. So who I am today can’t be the same version I was yesterday. I’ll always be on a quest to find myself, as change is the only constant humans nor medication can beat or rebel. Who am I, if not tomorrow’s elevated change of today’s self who yesterday was less aware of this version and part, my character manages to adapt into so well. I am who I am in this moment today, but ask me again tomorrow as that answer may change.

    By Sierra Mazzucca

  • Blank

    I feel blank.

    like an 8 by 11 white page.

    A canvas waiting to be liberated from a plain purgatory space.

    It must be the new pills effect taking hold of me.

    Since my psych prescribed them to me 6 Tuesdays past yesterday.

    A change I’m told was to be expected by today.

    he is right, I think.

    Well it’s the 12 years of school I believe.

    I just take the scripts he writes me willingly.

    Still I can’t feel or think about my insides, not even slightly.

    I just don’t know where to look for the emotions this RX hides inside me.

    Because I know they havent left, they are lurking around the bend.

    On a different side than present me.

    Just hoping for me to slip up and forget to take em, aka invisible cages for my emotions.

    the ones that contain them.

    1 minute man doc, I thought your book said this combo would work.

    that I would be balanced, not experiencing these up and down spurts.

    Doc,These one minutes sessions, in my opinion are counterproductive.

    they don’t seem to work with my goal.

    I feel blank like a white canvas.

    with nothing but space.

    By Sierra Mazzucca

  • Not my knight

    I prayed for love.

    I prayed blindly.

    I wished on every star that my perfect person would find me.

    I blew every dandelion reinforcing my prayers, that I will find someone one day, who genuinely loves and cares.

    I never specified the appearance of The person of dreams.

    never thought a shooting star could bring anything worth a damn to me.

    Then one day someone entered my life in the knick of time.

    I was about to give up on love of any kind.

    He made me feel like I was a queen and before that, no one had ever done that, but me.

    So naturally I was curious.

    I allowed the treatment to proceed.

    But all along he had one mission.

    That was to have all of me.

    To be the caretaker who caringly controls me.

    My heart was so desperate I allowed him to help me, with the knowledge that nothing is given without expecting.

    So typical of the dudes who invest their time into me.

    then get mad that I can’t give them what they made up about me.

    so I turn into the witch of their sad love story.

    I’ll never be able to live up to the expectation they set for me.

    It almost feels like this manifesting has turned on me.

    But that’s not it at all.

    It just gives me exactly what I say I need.

    So I have to be more specific.

    if I want my prayers to come to fruition about love, and all those dandelion wishes.

    He wasn’t my knight and shining armor.

    and I was not his Mrs.

    By Sierra Mazzucca

  • Monster…

    There is a monster in my bed.

    and I let him in. I supplied the pillow to rest. His quiet wickedness I don’t address.As he fondles my body while I lay still. Undressed.

    I don’t reciprocate his love, or affection.and he won’t allow me to stop it, or reject it. That must be his thrill. Just begging for me to pet it, Like a dog.

    But, I like dogs. They don’t force me to love them. They just are. He has a darkness beneath the face, beyond the freckles and scars.

    He stays inside until he thinks you bought the bit that he is a chivalrous guy.but he has secrets to hide. As sweet and willing as he seems to be, he is holding two sharp blades to your carotid artery.

    In plain sight. but you choose not to see. You let the darkness in. because a part of you believes, you too are a dark fruit. fallen from the forbidden tree.

    Another lying message you allowed your brain to receive. You are more than an object of affection. you are deserving. Sometimes we have to burn it all down to start anew.

    A cleansing of the medial prefrontal cortex. erasing desires previously initiated for a few. I currently have a monster in my bed. and I am the one who invited him in.

    By Sierra Mazzucca

  • Grow Faith, not Fear

    Fear a distressed emotion brought on by the belief that something dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat will occur.

    It only gains strength when you feed it faith.

    Growing into an outrageous ember, igniting every corner of hope it’s flames chase.

    It’s the unconscious decision to give up and for lack of better words, screw faith.

    But it’s in those moments we need to lock in, steady our ground.

    to again mount the horse of life before, untrue lies pull us back down.

    Using lessons as tools, from past trials that were fear derived.

    Turning them into hope.

    as our hope is what keeps our faith alive.

    Some tracks are rocky, not always smooth.

    If it was just flat, there would be no need for hope or faith within this life for flesh covered fools.

    It’s the hardships and heartaches that germinate our seeds, for faith, to bloom.

    I always lean harder into mine, when every other turn I manage to take, leads me to a dead-end.

    where fear and anger ruminate.

    It’s in those moments I beg for the spirit of uncertainty to relinquish my lack of faith.

    replace it with trust that everything, even on our worst days, will be ok.

    just don’t invite fear to play.

    By Sierra Mazzucca

  • We live to die to live

    I’ll admit.

    that sometimes I still get.

    a little depressed.

    since I know everything, I have will one day come to its end.

    In any second.

    With any given breath.

    Which usually begs my question.

    have I done everything I can to make the time I occupied this skin resort I was lent, purposeful.

    or made this borrowed time worth the moments I was gifted to spend breathing, sometimes suffocating.

    Nevertheless, living to die inevitably.

    with each new lifecycle that has an end.

    Ponder ponder.

    Wonder no more.

    The days I spent were meant to add to Another cycle of passing through the living revolving door.

    I’ll come back again. With a different mask. In a new lent space.

    With a restart of time.

    Trying to live every day.

    Knowing one day, I’m going to die.

    While desperately surviving this different but same same life.

    That will one day again be taken without reason. Damn.

    It’s a conundrum, isn’t it When you stop and analyze all of it.

    Like umm wow how refreshing.

    When life throws me a new ball that I’m forced to catch.

    After life decided to launch one with its lesson bat.

    But in one of my past lives, I was a catcher, wasn’t I?

    So, I learned something, yet I get dealt with these repetitive lives.

    with this same same but nothing, living greater than pain.

    With constant reminders I’ll be here again, one day.

    Sometimes I just can’t help but think can someone, anyone, please press skip, end, don’t repeat?

    As luck may have it though, my thoughts have changed.

    So, not today, old way of thinking.

    I’m trying to see what I can learn now to take with me.

    I don’t know what happens when this ends.

    Or if I will end up repeating the same mistakes when I come back, If I come back again.

    I mean, after all, what would the point be. To return to a new life with the same past thinking.

    If I keep messing up and not learning anything.

    the next cycle will repeat.

    until I change the same same, different way of whatever I’m doing.

    thoughtlessly.

    Causing the next life ripples of pain before I even take a seat.

    Living mindfully.

    As we all live to die to live.

    Hopefully

    By Sierra Mazzucca

  • Life Layoff

    I feel like I’m just floating through time like every moment exists on some line. déjà vu is just a tear in the thread that’s holding seconds collectively storing lifetimes from the beginning to the present. Like every single thing is accounted for on someone’s bulletin board. Each tragedy, catastrophe, blessing, and new planet-finding, was all planned, and marked on a calendar in the office of the ruler of man. Aka the universe’s manager, God likely is his name. In charge of all the unplanned life layoffs constantly but he is always reassuring us to continue worshiping even if no immediate payment is received. In a beautiful building through a man of flesh and bone, he reassures us we have a place in his home when our timelines come to an end, on their own. Not by quitting, but working until life excuses you and your retirement from him is paid 10folds onto you, with a package of deliverance because you ran until the end of a line, that someone laid before you. Hoping and rooting for you, but knowing everything that is going to happen to you, all the sins that will tempt you, he still gave you the power of choice to choose what is the right thing to do during the line of time, he has lent to me and you.

    By Sierra Mazzucca

  • OCD

    Some internal construction is needed on isle brain.

    Something is jeopardizing the Cortico-Striato-Thalamo-Cortical aka (CSTC) circuitry.

    which is the key brain pathway participating in movement, habit formation, and reward processing.

    Okay, I say endangering but really its elevating.

    Like I’m starting to engage in different affairs.

    I started a new pathway and I haven’t needed to take the old stairs.

    I recognize this change when I reciprocate and accept feelings, a different way then I would have previously. when I was taking the old routes that once protected me.

    We change, continuously.

    It’s the only thing we can say with assurance as nothing will stay the same forever, everything lives and dies to serve a purpose.

    The old paths my thoughts would take, made change a scary place.

    so I formed healthy habits and cleaned up the roads to my brains space.

    I learned to stop, listen, be still. No longer taking old ways up windy hills.

    My feedback loop will thread positivity and happiness where there once lived dread.

    I wont obsess over things I should have, would have did.

    as that would be counterproductive for all the internal construction we just did.

    Then again I was diagnosed using a dsm-5 OCD is what they now said is a diagnoses of mine.

    Obsessive compulsive disorder: the presence of obsessions and/or compulsions that cause significant distress or impairment in daily life.

    wish I knew this earlier, I would have lived a less stressful life.

    I’ve been scared to try new things.

    living the same day on repeat, the Truman show was how I felt in this reality.

    Just stuck, unable to move forward a different way.

    so comfortable with the teleprompter reading the same message every day.

    Obsessing over things Out of my control.

    until I lose any false sense of accuracy.

    no record to compare new to old.

    control has now been disassembled and no longer holds me whole.

    Closed off those paths and old frontal roads.

    Its just a disorder its not a terminal disease.

    you can actually manage it, before you become dis-eased .

    By Sierra Mazzucca

  • Scars are Trophies

    Most of my life I’ve tried to hide scars because they were ugly reminders of things I didn’t want to think about. And a lot of those scars were invisible to the naked eye. A human couldn’t see these are scars, similar to deep open wounds within me. I learned they are not damaged eye sores but trophies for the trials and tribulations I have overcome thus far. Your scars can be the medals you attain, having given yourself the opportunity to lean deep into your faith. We’ll learn we have been healed and forgiven for any wrong we did, any sins we committed. Reminders, we were already forgiven. Those scars are something to remember when we feel like quitting a reminder for when we are too weak to want to feel. We need to remember that someone already died for the terrible things we ruminate on that have already been crucified and healed . Try not to focus on how deep the wound is, keep in mind his are for eternity, that he endured for believers in his word. How can we complain when someone was murdered for you and me. To be able to live a life of love and abundance sin free. I challenge you to use your scars as badges of honor for the rest of your breaths eternity.

    By Sierra Mazzucca

  • Emotional Carousel

    Don’t wish you knew better, just do better now. Regret is a disease. Disease is a noun. Meaning to have a disorder of structure or function in a human, oh wow. I’ve somehow allowed this to consume my time and take away from my healing by moving forward, Eliminating the possibility of me being “just fine”. I feel like I am on this emotional carousel most of the time. When I suddenly start to feel inner peace, my guilt creeps up from behind. It often feels like I won’t get through this up and down ride. I quickly remember I do have a choice; I don’t have to wait in that line. I don’t need to focus on the feeling of remorse. I have to remember these emotions are just obstacles I need to overcome in my life’s course. So just understand everyone has their emotional horse. Just learn to tame the wild outbursts that start from within. Don’t wait in lines that make your heart feel like your life has to somehow be defined by the emotions you have within. Feel what you need to and then let it go. Simply let bygones be just that, and freely your movements should flow.

    By Sierra Mazzucca