I woke up in excruciating pain, drenched in sadness the other day. So as one would I tried to locate the cause of this hurt, that I could not claim. It was not a familiar feeling, so I could not give it a name. I took 5 deep breaths and on the 5th exhale I screamed exhaustedly. A sound came straight from my core. A scream expressed and said when will sleep produce a quiet space for ease and rest. All that happens when I lay my head, is this wicked game of hide and seek with random thoughts in my bed. I’m always it. no respite for my spirit. Protein motors must be on a break. or ignoring me and my call for a ride to take. Because they usually transport endorphins down filaments, to give me some needed relief from pain experienced by me. Though the microtubules must be blocked off currently. This could be why happiness has been missing. I have to find what keeps preventing euphoria and I from meeting, at the handover dock for androgen receiving. At times it feels like genuine joy and happiness are always going to be the treat hanging in front of me. Just dangling right out of reach. I can see them vividly, but they don’t feel like they belong to me. I need the motor proteins to come back from break early. This is not a drill, this time I actually want relief from my hurting. and not just temporarily with a prescription pill but forever, with only faith and will. So locating the cause might be a battle, uphill. I decided instead, I’m gonna focus on that little sucker delivering endorphins naturally, without persuasion of western medications temporary bandaging. I mean if we all started out happy, then there must be a way to find that again within me without the need for external Intervening.
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