Sierra Mazzucca's Poetry site

Every now and then found in the silence, is a realization within a conscious state.

You start to see all the roles and positions you were taught to take, without questioning.

You notice you have been on everyone else’s side.

Encouraged others and helped them find their lion inside.

All while ignoring the needs of your own life.

You were taught to make others feel comfortable, even when you were not inside.

You were told to be silent and smile through the pain.

Forced to ask everyone else are you OK?

All while you were fading away.

It was a never-ending game of self-abandonment.

To be someone else’s bandage and quick fix.

So no one could ever label me as selfish or inconsiderate.

Because since childhood I have been trading my inner peace, for belonging to a world of hypocrites.

Who only loved me, if I filled a need.

I was shown I needed to take care of everyone else, before I could find a reason to take care of myself.

Ignored my pain to keep peace.

This all worked for a long time until one day, It became clear to me.

I have only ever been a human mat, for everyone else’s feet.

I held doors open for others who would have slammed the same ones, closed on me.

I exhaustedly explained myself. Repeatedly.

Feeling like I had to justify why I needed to start caring for me.

And this is not selfishness or greed.

This is self-respect.

Or at least preserving.

I have only ever been a support beam for everyone else.

But I needed that support for myself.

I have become accustomed to drowning internally.

Trying desperately to send an SOS to you, that never makes it to save me.

Just so you don’t feel the need to label me a gluttonous being.

Which was how choosing me, became some sort of myth I couldn’t believe.

So if you catch me these days, you may notice a slight change.

The answer yes, has become less used by me today.

No is a complete sentence, that I practice as part of healing every day.

This does not make me a cold being.

It means, I am choosing to return to the place where I abandoned myself at an early age.

Self- respect means seeing your soul for what it is.

Which is sacred.

Your time is valued, you are not for sale.

In short it means you are no longer actively participating in the beating of yourself, by an ego who only cares about itself.

I learned many people don’t respect or love you for any more than what they can obtain from you.

Most live for the labor of emotion that they can drain from you.

So when you are healing wounds you will notice that you become less controllable .

You no longer accept crumbs as a form of care and console.

You stop attracting those who seek to drain you of energy you silently hold.

You start attracting people who see your soul, not seek control.

This is only the beginning of the liberation of your soul.

To be freed from the illusion and beliefs that in order to be loved, you need to forget your very worth and your own needs.

That is false.

That was the seed planted long ago, which we tended to because we did not know.

We were programmed to believe self-love was not healthy.

Giving away your last breath, was chivalrous.

But that’s not true.

Loving yourself, Finding value in everything you do, knowing you are worthy.

That is healthy.

That is soul preservation.

And its the only position assigned to you.

Start there and I promise, everything else will fall into line too.