I saw you today, and at first I was not sure of what to say.
The last thing you heard from me was, I will come back to set you free.
I’m 36, and that line that tied that promise from me to you, was severing.
Because I tried to forget you.
I treated you, like you said everyone else did.
When I saw you today, I only saw a little girl confused.
Just an innocent kid.
Wondering why everyone who ever said they loved her, always left her alone to defend her own.
So she made friends with the charismatic pain-body.
Whose only mission was to reassure the hurt she felt, should also be felt by me.
It was deserved.
A reminder, she is still trapped inside me. Lonely, waiting.
Therapy helped me reach out with tools already within in me.
Taught me how to use them.
But when I tried to grab you, you slipped, and slipped away from me.
Again and again.
You never allowed me to lend you a hand.
You said I deserve to watch you waste away.
It was my fault, is what you’d say.
But that wasn’t you talking.
That was our monster of pain.
I left you all alone, because you became too heavy of a heartache.
And there the first promise to you that I made, was broken.
And time was not making it ok.
You just kept collecting sadness for our coffin of aches.
Just to use against me.
Attract other people’s pain goblins, who helped you beat on me.
This happened so often, I eventually believed the untrue tales of my own body.
But today when I spoke you listened, attentively.
Like you had been waiting for this very moment of self clarity.
I held you like an infant, I cared for you.
For the first time I covered your ears, so the words of our environment wouldn’t affect or scare you.
I did everything I could to finally protect you.
I shared a moment of peace thinking this is a breakthrough.
I cried, and I felt a weight lift from you.
For so many years there was this carryon, I just kept adding to.
Forgetting, there was a child carrying that heaviness too.
Today, I feel like I rescued a piece of you.
This does not mean, there are no more challenges to go through.
It does mean I am aware.
I am taking steps to undo any untrue beliefs you are still holding onto.
I am no longer a savings account for misery and untruths.
I believe in my worth, our worth.
And the happiness, you, me, we deserve.
A promise is a promise, even if it may hurt.
Sierra Mazzucca's Poetry site 
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