Sierra Mazzucca's Poetry site

A collection of poems

Awake and Venting

Better out then in.

So here it is.

I’m tired.

I want to just sleep.

My spirit is exhausted.

My mind has taken me hostage.

My flesh is weak.

The universe is generous with each new problem it gifts me.

My thoughts feel cold.

My body is losing heat.

I feel like I’m dying.

But that would be too easy.

Alone inside.

Stoic outside.

My wants I hide.

Still empty come sunrise .

And all those bent knee sessions Feel like wasted confessions.

So I decided to ask myself a question..

Do you have faith?

Honestly, I was baffled I’d even suggest it.

The truth is, I felt like I was losing it.

Not because it proved to be worthless.

But no matter how much faith I had, bad things happened.

And just as bad.

I used to believe a man listened when I spoke to him silently.

I trusted a book that detailed how one ought to be.

I shunned myself when I went against the rules you made for me.

I repented, but harsh punishment you still gave me.

But you say I am your favorite?

I’m no dirt bag.

But the mud on my face, you caused that.

I did as you said.

And why was that?

I attended masses.

Praising your name.

Going blind, for some invisible mans sake.

I am still fighting demons you made.

Not to destroy me right, but to strengthen me.

I lost count of the penance your messengers delegated to me.

I once believed they actually did anything for me.

I only confessed, since the bread and wine were free.

But I never understood how the human in a robe could clear me, with a blessing, some prayers and counting beads.

I thought to act as a god was a sin of pride? Unholy?

But what do I know, Im still trying to define I.

This creation you made, is tired.

Faith wants retire.

But then you wake me up again, and again.

And sometimes I curse because, I just wish it would end.

But my eyelids open, and a new day begins.

So it would seem, I haven’t lost my faith.

Though I will admit, this practice of being conscious has been causing lots of pain.

I am now aware of the damage I once unconsciously saved.

So this feeling of exhaustion, is my proof

I am finally awake.

Sierra Mazzucca

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3 responses to “Awake and Venting”

  1. Christopher Hall Avatar
    Christopher Hall

    There are so many lines here that hit me right in the soul. There is just nothing better than this kind of raw honesty. Though I know each individual journey is different, (though I would argue collectively I think it’s all the same, but that’s beside the point) I definitely understand this more than you know. These words are very therapeutic for me in a selfish way. Especially because I feel the acknowledgement from having a similar journey within. And also especially since I have trouble communicating to myself the right words for how I feel sometimes. This communicated those feelings that I had inside dormant. But, when I get out of my realm of selfishness, I can applaud your quiet strength for just laying it all out there without any shame. I know this had to have been incredibly therapeutic for you. I know and understand all too well how much courage it takes to face that kind of darkness. It’s never easy, nor will it never ever be. And I don’t like it when people pretend like it isn’t a big deal, when it most certainly is.

    I definitely appreciate this one! Wayyy more than you know! 1000/10! “I’m finally awake!” Yes, Indeed I’m heading hopefully in that direction myself. It feels good not to lie to myself anymore believing that I know everything when I don’t.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Sierra Mazzucca Avatar
      Sierra Mazzucca

      Thank you for that!!! Also, for brightening my day, reassuring me it was actually good for me to write and realease it because I do hold a lot in. I have been and still am, working on finding the words to let it all go.

      Thank you for always making each piece I post, feel heard. You are a gem

      I hope you are feeling better. I am so happy I could help if even just by expressing my truth. Thank you for that.

      Have an amazing rest of your day :)

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. Christopher Hall Avatar
        Christopher Hall

        You’re too kind! And you’re absolutely welcome for everything! In a way, I’m feeling much better! Slowly, but surely we’re getting there. I’ve been learning some valuable lessons from these past couple of weeks of hardship. Don’t you dare stop writing! Like ever! Because, I always want to see you running across my feed with a GEM. Because YOU are the GEM! 😁

        Liked by 1 person

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