Sierra Mazzucca's Poetry site

A collection of poems

Love starts within

I wish I could have loved you.

Every time you needed me to.

I really do.

I wish that I always loved who I was, when I was with you.

But that’s the thing, around you I had to lose me.

Just so you could make others comfy.

I lost entire identities, within you to be this version of me.

All for people who already came and took their leave.

Whatever she was, whoever she was to me.

I just let her faze out like old news, no longer trending.

All for the sake of hopefully being loved or validated by someone who couldn’t stand me.

You couldn’t love me, even if you tried.

You didn’t even know who I was , she had to hide.

Didn’t think about me as a human being with feelings.

You only seen me as an easy opportunity.

One you could control and conquer.

always another way to use me.

Just a holder of a space, you never could clear for me.

Never once did you care to care about me.

My heart was just a trampoline, a punching bag for your any release.

I was your any need.

Not your everything.

Over time I learned love was not something I could outsource.

Because I never had access to the initial power source.

I never knew self-love was needed before love could be received.

I just wanted to show you, we’re healing.

But, we’re also still hurting truthfully.

The you, the me, and all those identities.

It was hard to find, but I found my hearts power line.

I am working on revising the old messages that travel from heart to mind.

I am validating the parts of me that never felt worthy.

I feel like I am starting to breathe, and relax in the skin my spirit has chosen to rest in.

I love who I am with you, because I am falling in love with you.

It has been challenging.

I admit self-love has been the hardest love to prove, to me.

Especially, when growing up in an environment where loving yourself and validating your own feelings, was not the normal thing to do.

Practice will never make perfect.

but repetition will eventually become ones new truth.

Now, I don’t wish. I DO.

Sierra Mazzucca
Posted in

3 responses to “Love starts within”

  1. Christopher Hall Avatar
    Christopher Hall

    I’m so grateful and thankful for this incredible poem! Here’s some sections I loved.

    “I just let her faze out like old news, no longer trending. All for the sake of hopefully being loved or validated by someone who couldn’t stand me. You couldn’t love me, even if you tried. You didn’t even know who I was , she had to hide. Didn’t think about me as a human being with feelings. You only seen me as an easy opportunity. One you could control and conquer. always another way to use me. Just a holder of a space, you never could clear for me. Never once did you care to care about me.”

    “My heart was just a trampoline, a punching bag for your any release. I was your any need. Not your everything. Over time I learned love was not something I could outsource. Because I never had access to the initial power source. I never knew self-love was needed before love could be received. I just wanted to show you, we’re healing. But, we’re also still hurting truthfully. The you, the me, and all those identities. It was hard to find, but I found my hearts power line. I am working on revising the old messages that travel from heart to mind.”

    “I am validating the parts of me that never felt worthy. I feel like I am starting to breathe, and relax in the skin my spirit has chosen to rest in. I love who I am with you, because I am falling in love with you. It has been challenging. I admit self-love has been the hardest love to prove, to me.”

    “Practice will never make perfect. but repetition will eventually become ones new truth. Now, I don’t wish. I DO.”

    Picking favorite lines from this entire thing is diabolical. Because to my perception, it’s all one stream of concious thought connected from one thread, that even connects to other threads in relation to the main thread. From a writing standpoint, yes you fucking slayed it again like you always do! But in this instance, I’m just glad that this is the journey of your state of mind and being now. I love that you’re healing. And that your healing is coming from within the very soul that was never lacking to begin with. That’s all that matters. There isn’t this blog, or the blessings that naturally flow from you in your life without you! So that’s what counts. I love that you’ve decided to fall in love with yourself. And that very thing doesn’t ever let you down in the end if there is enough courage to listen to it’s deepest intuition.

    There is nothing that neither I nor anyone else could say, whether something good or something bad, that can change the fact that this is truly a gem. Especially because it came from you! Because, just like you’ve told me before, YOU are the gem! The parts that were once hidden, now truly free. All because you were courageous enough to listen, and fall in love with what has always been from within. Thank you for putting a smile on my face as always! But this one in particular, was special! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Sierra Mazzucca Avatar
      Sierra Mazzucca

      Good morning and what nice comment to wake up to.

      At first when I read this piece completed, I thought well, if anyone understands it then I did good. It was tricky because I wanted to write it from my pov in the mirror but I dont know if this came out like I wanted, still It was words that needed out for me.

      Thank you for making me smile, you are such a gift!!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. Christopher Hall Avatar
        Christopher Hall

        Hey there! Good morning to you too! 🌞 I’ve been a busy bee, so it took me a bit to reply here.

        Real talk incoming. Dispel those subtle doubts, you’re doing absolutely phenomenal! I personally think you communicated it very well. But it’s how you feel about it that ultimately counts. Just know that I enjoyed it, and felt inspired from it very much!

        If I can make someone as beautiful in the soul as you smile, even if for a second of a moment, then I’m satisfied. I’m very thankful for your kindness as always! I just cherish this moment, and I love feeling grateful for the space of healing, comfort, and warmth that is always evident, and never too far in your words.

        Keep going, and keep on kicking Friday’s ass! Lol! 😛

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a reply to Sierra Mazzucca Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.