Sierra Mazzucca's Poetry site

You asked me how I was, and I responded great.

Then you proceeded to bring up a version of me, I don’t know today.

I’ve changed significantly since you last seen me.

Back then, my wounds were still very open.

A bit oozing.

While I was closed off internally for anything, I was also bruised and they were starting to show externally.

You wouldn’t have even known.

Because, I played pretend like I was unaware of what was happening.

Such a great actress.

it was easy for you to believe that I was just a girl who was young and naïve.

With no demons or cuts that still bleed.

I knew parts of me were rotting from the inside out, all casually.

Leaking into my every day relations; invisibly.

They were no doubt tricky sores to manage and navigate for just me.

My egos idea regarding self esteem, progressively worsened and infected good things.

with its defeatist ideations and grip of my processing.

I would find different ways to mask and bandage the pain temporarily, just so no one could see the damage being made by me.

I couldn’t fathom anyone assuming I was weak or broken.

So I stayed alone and away from any attachments exclusively.

I knew if anyone got close, something painful was sure to happen to them or me.

So the beating of myself continued for many years of hell

that followed after many years of feeling self-defeat.

I just wanted to love.

I wanted someone to love me.

No strings.

No blood contract DNA assigned to me.

I never let anyone close enough to allow my “lion of love”, to be set free.

I kept my most valuable seeds locked away.

With the hope I could plant them one day.

Without passing along the infections of old wounds.

that identified as different versions, this me has played.

So when you ask me how I am doing, you most likely are still assuming, I am the version you last saw of me.

But I have news for you.

She changed.

No one to point blame.

as I realized all the pain I was feeling was caused by ego and esteem, that needed rebuilding.

Back then when I would get my heart broken, Id keep a little anger from each time.

Eventually it grew, and it became the monster I tried to hide.

The one I created because I couldn’t understand it was never me.

Some things happen in life, not to me as I once would claimed.

They were just happening.

Now I take care of cuts immediately.

Because if left unattended they will start to rot all the good parts of me.

The ones I have been tending to, methodically.

I deserve to love, and people deserve to be loved by me.

Life has been lifing.

But I am doing better than that one version you knew of me.

So here is to all new introductions, that will foster love, growth and new memories.