When my anxiety goes into override, I’ve been known to zone out and misplace time.
Like I fall into a vortex somewhere in my mind.
I couldn’t even draw a map to this place, for you to find.
I appear there, and I feel like I am floating on cloud 9.
Weightless, painless.
Yet my body hasn’t left the place, where it was physically left behind.
I wanted to keep this power as mine.
It was a gift to myself, to escape this hell.
I believed I found a way to travel without pausing time.
A taxing retreat from the relentless, and self sabotaging mind.
But this bliss has become dangerous at this present point in my life.
Even knowing this, my brain craves the short respite and jump it gives to my insides.
Recently my auto pilot has been malfunctioning.
I feel like I might be losing communication with the Ventral Tegmental region, where dopamine neurons get released.
Cloud 9 seems unreachable, since the reward center has no messages to transmit to the Nucleus Accumbens.
My Amygdala could care less, as it has been unable to regulate or process its own perceived threats.
I need to recreate a euphoric space.
One to replicate the same kind of escape.
Down the mesolimbic pathways.
Where axons purposely release dopamine.
Encouraging communication, between everything.
No more losing time mentally traveling.
Even if it feels like you can finally breathe easily and painlessly.
Now I am aware, and practicing healthier ways to release the pressure of the chokehold from life and my anxiety.
Sierra Mazzucca's Poetry site 
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