Good grief.
I’m sick of these early am chats with those two vindictive creeps.
Seriously, do any of us even sleep?
These talks are getting old.
So let me take your word for it, little critic and ego.
Shame on you for saying just go, she wouldn’t find me.
Yeah, that may be so.
But my mother would have to identify the body after my autopsy.
How do you think that would go, for her to see?
And what a selfish and sad last image of me, to leave her with to keep.
Right after the one where her oldest daughter is burning.
So now I make it a must to hold little critic and ego at gunpoint for breakfast tea.
Before they can whisper Bullshit to me.
I force them to apologize for trying to bribe my life away from me.
Say it louder Motherfucker!
I command you to speak!
Still aware they have an important role within the ecosystem of me.
They whisper never ending.
I learned to respond, but only when their chatter becomes an action made by my body unconsciously.
Like the pushing anyone away to affirm their lie, that nobody stands with me.
Or that this is the closest to peace I can achieve, while cohabitating the same space as those two damn thieves.
No breaks.
Just beat, steal, beat.
So today at breakfast tea, right as I was metaphorically racking the slide, thinking it could put an end to their mocking of my life.
Silence.
I chose to drown them out, with positive affirmations this time, thankfully.
At first I was thinking this is not going to work for me.
Until I noticed they stopped taunting.
And I was now just saying those things for me. To me.
This is a reminder all the work isnt for nothing.
I am changing old ways. Slowly.
Stronger than those two pieces of my existence have manipulated my conscious to once believe.
I won’t leave until I am called.
On his timing.
The last thing I ever want to do is be the cause of someone else’s grief.
That’s the worst punishment a living loved one can receive.
Sierra Mazzucca's Poetry site 
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