Sierra Mazzucca's Poetry site

Doc these prescribed Z’s have stopped working.
My mind has been busy doing double shifts and mentally I’m hurting.
While my prefrontal cortex tries to see what decision is best for me.
But its already rolling on 3am in between these sheets.
Do I stay up thinking nonstop?
Playing my own god.
Trying to turn all my negatives into positives round the clock.
A perfectionist, I wish I was not.
As I assault my brain from every way, just to make the thoughts stop and go away.
Beat them into submission force them to enter deep z’s, I’m tired of being fucking tired.
I think….yeah that’s our problem silly.
I need something stronger prescribed to me.
Maybe a pill that comes equipped with self defense ability.
Thought maga
Like it can knock the crap out of every unnecessary thought that comes to push peace off..
Specifically when I am trying to shut my eyes to get some respite, from the mental attack.
Of me against me in every instance, there I am at.
I just need some rest as you can see.
My thought processing is at war with my amygdala currently.
Raw emotion vs long term thinking.
Mr. M says drill in affirmations , as a rebuttal act.
Jot down all the things you are grateful exist, and with that list you can always come back to it.
Repetition is the key to this.
Having Gratitude isnt just on some days, or until you are out of the clouded midst.
Its an every day responsibility.
To give thanks for all that has been graciously given to me.
Not spinning and looping over whose fault it is that I can never stay in a state of peace for longer than an eyes blink.
It’s always been easier to focus on the negative things.
Because sometimes the positive is hard to see, since we are only looking for what’s wrong with everything.
And trust me , if you proceed to look for only the bad in things you will find it.
And peace you will never meet. It’s a self protection habit formed out of need as a young child who was lacking on some needs. My old program convinced me solace is a noun that can never be found by me.
Making me only see what I didn’t have , and why good things couldn’t happen for me.
Just another self seeking human quality.
Very easy to adopt as your own identity.
Especially if you are so lost where, rest and peace are what you seek constantly.
So what do you say doc?
Any thought maga regimens you can prescribe temporarily?
I’m not looking for a permanent vacation away from me.
All I am asking for are less shifts, when I should be sleeping.