Being human is a gift.
I’ve been acknowledging that as what it is.
To cry is to be free.
It’s almost a sort of magic.
Like when doves get released.
Not the abracadabra poof one is three.
But weight subtracted allowing the mind to rest more frequently.
There is a need for everything.
Peace, chaos and all between.
Tears are proof you feel from the depths internally.
You are real. You exist. You are more than that critic insists.
In recent years I’ve experienced that wherever there is light there is also darkness near.
I have been face to face with evil in rooms full of laughter.
I know firsthand that it dresses up in smiles and puts on a show like a great actor.
But the shadows appear when no one else is near. Or can hear the grooming whispers from those demonic soul solicitors.
Being human I believe we chose. Maybe the rules were laid out ahead who knows. Why would I have chosen this experience, if I knew and could see the road that was meant for me.
Because for many years I blamed you for allowing wickedness to get close.
I wasn’t aware enough to understand I had the choice. The power was in my hands.
There were times I felt violated. I had no words that could define or translate it. I was home to a stranger I didn’t know I hated.
No one knew I just wanted it all to stop.
I wanted to know this wasn’t hell.
I wasn’t broken or unwell.
I started pushing away my memories.
Not wanting to remember the pain they caused me.
I couldn’t describe what peace meant for me. I was barely learning that I had been carrying my entire lifes misery.
So no place inside could have ever brought solcae to me.
I have been working tirelessly to prepare my spirit for emotional turbulence that will inevitably come for me.
While looking externally for a space that will provide respite for my human aches.
I found it. My happy place.
The space I’ve been seeking.
As I walk along the shore I feel this completeness.
Its presence is much like the space that is within.
And that had become somewhat of a distance, so outsourcing I had to begin.
The more I heal I recognize the wounds I’ve been dismissing. They were attached to places that were too painful for me to subconsciously re-visit.
The beach was always a sacred space for me. Its like questions I have fade away and peace fills me.
I feel close to everyone, even the physically missing.
Every pain seen or unseen, goes away.
I drift off so easily. I have a choice and I choose me.
The past has no grip over me.
My scars do not define me.
Like the tides, I will rise and fall.
But that was the agreement when I chose to be a human afterall.
Care to share ?