Pain is physical suffering or discomfort caused by injury.
Currently every nerve in my body is firing off aggressively.
I can barely keep my thoughts functioning.
I keep trying to find peace for this pain ridden body.
But something greater appears to enjoy watching me.
Listening to me cry.Squirm in discomfort for nearly a week, unable to get one wink of sleep.
Only to realize the pain is being caused by me, not he.
Stressing over someone else’s everything.
While they are vacationing, I am desperate to find even the smallest bit of release.
From this inconceivable pain.
Because I worried too much about someone else’s needs, and this is the gift I received.
There is no position I can put my body in currently, that will make it all feel ok.
And just enough to be able to breathe comfortably let alone sleep one day.
I’m so mad at myself for causing this trauma to my body unconsciously.
I thought I was getting better at managing my innate need to do everything hard, or else it doesn’t count for me.
A very dangerous way of living.
I don’t want to have a heart attack, worrying.
My body is obviously trying to tell me to slow down, give that back we can’t process their stress, this skin sack will wreck.
Stop when I feel over extended instead of pushing myself to near death.
This is the only skin sack I get.
So if it breaks down, that is the end.
I need to stop trying to please the unpleasable, with their insatiable appetites and the me me me quartets.
Inevitably causing my body more anguish and stress.
I have to learn to help, without forgetting about my self health.
It’s not worth it to be in pain over someone else’s poor decisions they made.
I am practicing putting my oxygen mask on first, before I end up in a black hearse.
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