Hi, I’m Sierra Mazzucca. I want to welcome to my little corner of the internet—where words find their way through the heart’s tangled paths. This blog is home to poetry born from the quiet and loud moments of life. I write to give shape to what we often struggle to say—grief, love, healing, hope, faith, and the simple weight of everyday experience. Whether you’re navigating mental health challenges, processing loss, celebrating love, or searching for something deeper, I hope my words meet you where you are. Each poem is a reflection, a release, a reminder that you’re not alone. Thank you for being here.

  • My Emma

    I’m so sorry my Emma.
    I should not be crying hysterically.
    But you were still and always will be my kitty.
    I remember when I first met you.
    You, your mom and siblings were rescued.
    You were always the spunky one out of your crew.
    You were so sweet, you’d get excited when Id clean the room.
    You knew seeing me meant treats for you.
    You started to like me.
    And I fell inlove with you.
    Then I was sad, but happy when someone adopted you.
    I cried but was elated someone will get to experience the sweet sunny spirit in you.
    Then sadly my sister died, and I was so broken.
    And left utterly empty inside.
    But Something happened and you came back into my life.
    Like she sent you, to try to comfort my heart and make it feel alright.
    So I adopted you, and I loved you.
    It took a year for you to acclimate to everything new.
    But once you did, you were a silly little cat who enjoyed antagonizing the birds under the sun rays out back.
    Then one day the universe took it all away. The house, the birds your safe space.
    Your home, your happiness and grace.
    I had to make the heart wrenching decision to give you away.
    As I had no choice I was looking for a home to stay.
    I thought I sent you to a safe place.
    Where you would get love, care and kindess for the rest of your long days.
    I’m so sorry you died alone, without me.
    Without comfort, that broke me.
    I hope you are running free.
    Please do me a favor say hi to my sissy.
    I will always love you Emma, my kitty.

    Sierra

    I’m so sorry Emma. I will always Love you.

  • I am all

    People say a lot.
    Especially when they don’t.
    They tell you with their actions.
    Not words, as truth telling those alone won’t. Under the costumes, my spirit tried translating the feelings I kept to myself.
    The spirit ended up taking on so much pain, it began to resent whoever I became.
    Whichever role I called self.
    This person who was too stubborn to ask for help.
    So I started creating different roles, within this one self.
    A God, lover, friend, and enemy.
    Whatever the character, it was played by me.
    I was silent but these roles were loud and they governed me.
    Not one of them was a true image of me.
    They were just these scripts being read by me.
    There was no hero in my story.
    So I became the villain.
    For a long time I kept away from any new relations.
    It took years to realize the enemy I thought I was running from, had actually lived inside.
    How could I have been my best friend, when I was my own demise?
    I was a wolf hiding behind human skin, wearing a God complex disguise.
    Always pushing myself beyond the human lines.
    Running with the white rabbit, I blame this obsessive mind.
    Chaos is always on the rise.
    Causing me to feel the need to control every part of my life.
    Feeding the bad wolf, allowing it to thrive.
    Encouraging the enduring of pain, as I am drowning Inside.
    What kind of friend am I if I don’t throw myself a line, play my own ….wait that thought doesn’t need to be transcribed.
    Smiling with only my eyes.
    Written on my mirror ten times: “You are so strong”.
    A line fed to me most of my life by wolves hunting blind, in sheep’s clothing.
    There am I.

    Sierra

  • Same goal, different mindset

    I cant trust you anymore.
    I know I’ve said it many times before.
    But, you stay closing doors.
    Same ones that I prayed would open for me before.
    You tell me a truth, your truth.
    Which is only downtown alley honesty, for gullible fools.
    Just a fluke, nothing more than a thiefs barter for fake jewels.
    Polish me accordingly.
    Convince me to stop trusting everybody.
    But have faith that you’re telling me the truth, with the same lies you have taught me to use.
    It’s not lying if you beLIEeve it to be true.
    Which is the message you yourself ego, kept on a loop.
    Again and again. Just replaying Inside my head.
    Poisoning new seeds, that I sow with loving intent.
    You know exactly what to say to get under my skin.
    Into my mind, suffocating my light.
    You treacherous time consuming manipulative sin.
    Which I now use as another word to describe your unwanted position.
    But like my human condition, you exist.
    That’s not saying much, but it is what it is.
    I just want to coexist without your bully tactics.
    Learn to trust people before you sabotage it.
    Stop manifesting my own doors to be slammed.
    Instead look at it like there is now less room for ego to demand.
    Remove the defected old source of power, control and commands.
    This process is never going to end.
    As long as I keep elevating myself without the sole use of my “me center”, again.
    Trust is earned not instantly gained.
    A work in progress for years, not days.
    The improvement with the new program has allowed me to see from this other side, one that doesn’t only rely on ideas and memories of who this me is and why.
    That once worked successfully, but my needs have changed, internally.
    New narrative, same goal.
    With a dfferent mindset.
    Just delete the old.

    Sierra

  • Survival out of necessity

    Throughout our lifeline, we will create safety and survival mechanisms out of necessity.
    The human ability to adapt, accordingly.
    All of which at some point in time served a purpose, in the name of surviving.
    Easily able to take the impact of the arrows that were aimed at me, for strengthening.
    I’ve grown quite familiar with pain, anger, regret and shame.
    And how my anxiety takes over, where joy finds it hard to create a space to claim.
    Or why motor proteins transport vesicles, filled with endorphins along cellular tracks either way.
    It doesn’t matter if their delivery sticks or stays.
    It just keeps bringing happiness closer with each step it takes.
    That’s silent faith.
    I have fought myself at every life corner and stage.
    All in the name of a lie, that happiness is an impossible feeling for me to attain and maintain.
    Though, I couldn’t express what made me feel that way.
    For decades, I became my own troll under the bridge I made.
    Preventing smiles, giggles and glee from being part of my day.
    Like I couldn’t stop the old narrative from
    Auto-piloting inside me.
    Not even realizing if I just let go, I will allow God to do his thing.
    So worrying about everything out of old habit, will now be his responsibility.
    And loud faith will replace the whispering doubt structured beams, that once supported me.
    I can finally burn the bridge I built out of survival and security.
    Here’s to giving up old behaviors that no longer suit me or produce positivity.
    I’m handing over all my pain and anxiety, as Mathew 6:34 reads be not anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.
    I don’t have to be in fear worrying.
    All I have to do is ask and it will be given to me.
    Knock, and he will open his door welcoming.

    Sierra

  • Postmarked packaged worries

    The wind was so strong, it was shaking me.
    At first I fought back instinctively.
    Fight or flight have always been the only options I seen.
    Because I stay prepared for tragedies.
    With fists clenched and white knuckles, just ready.
    Fighting old habits and tendencies.
    Right when I told myself to just let go and let it be, the wind became warm and started to hold me.
    It hugged and held me, where human touch was missing.
    It consoled my heart when It felt detached, from a soul who always had its back.
    All the energy I wasted on being sad and angry.
    I never stopped to allow myself to get lost within mother natures breeze, purposely.
    I always tried to fight my way out of everything.
    When those were the exact moments a lesson he was teaching.
    Which may be the reason, the lessons I had to keep repeating.
    Always trying to control everything except myself and the thoughts I kept receiving.
    But there is a shift happening more, I am now feeling.
    Its slow but things are changing.
    If I keep tending to false beliefs and holding onto pain that doesn’t serve me.
    I won’t feel the sun keeping me company.
    Or notice the clouds playing hide n seek.
    Or the wind caressing my body, and spirit so nurturing.
    The flowers that welcome bees and pose for pictures effortlessly.
    So many things I fail to see when I am in a state of fight or flight.
    Which used to be 24/7 for me.
    But lately, I’ve been grabbing all my worries and sending them to you.
    As said in Psalm 55:22: “Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you.”
    These were words I read before, but I never believed them to be true.
    So now all my stress is postmarked to you.
    I’d rather feel the wind, and smell the morning dew.
    Then go through life feeling restless and discontent, all because I didn’t have faith in you.

    Sierra

  • Chariot of flames

    When I was kid, we were always at the beach.
    Lifeguard station 26, Santa Monica is where we’d be.
    End of Oceanpark, where the sand met the wooden path burning.
    Splinters were sure to be had if sandals were not worn. But the pain wasn’t bad.
    Because we were free, and the ocean provided that.
    Sand Castles, tanning, swimming, and Frisbee.
    Sandy Salami sandwiches and chips.
    We were so happy to be in a place where, it was ok to be a kid.
    Mom digging holes for us to play in.
    Never realizing, those moments would be the ones my memory would be left replaying.
    Then my mind tries to take those pure moments away.
    Forcing me to focus on why your life ended that way.
    Because my grief has a way of sneaking in when I have started to settle in.
    4 years without you on earth, but 7 years since I last hugged you or we exchanged words.
    That really hurts.
    I try to push through because I know I have to, but I miss you.
    Like really fucking miss you.
    What is most painful is I never will get to tell you I was so proud of you.
    I am so proud of you.
    I will be OK, but today 1059 days ago you were alive.
    I always wonder if I reached out , if you’d still be here.
    If I could have saved your life.
    But I can’t play God.
    I won’t even begin to try.
    So I have to make a living amends to you for the rest of my life.
    I want to believe you have been with me since you went to another side.
    But grief is like an enemy in disguise.
    It’s like oh remember this time, yeah its your fault she died.
    But no, I am just going through the stages of grief all the time.
    Because loving you wasn’t just part time.
    I’m in denial again because how could someone so full of life be deleted in the blink of an eye?
    Or that you really won’t ever call my line.
    Text my phone. Leave me voicemails being silly.
    Or how I wish you would just call me and we could go bowling.
    I miss you and I wish you could just come home.
    3 years and 364 days ago, you left us alone.
    I wish you would have just walked it off.
    Phoned a friend.
    But you took off.
    Sped so fast, your chariot went up in flames.
    And you left me alone with only memories we had.
    Guilt, regret, sadness, anger and shame.
    I love you, but I am so hurt I have to forever re-live your last day.
    I wish things were different, but they are this way.
    I miss and love you Trina, was all I really wanted to say.

    Sierra

  • Life Sails on Anyway

    I’m trying.
    I thought that was good enough.
    I stopped complaining, and just accepted my life as only rough.
    My heart must’ve been weak, because you’ve had to strengthen me constantly.
    Daily.
    Find obstacles to push me through knowing I will do anything, to not to fail you.
    Show up for myself, even when I don’t feel I deserve to.
    Combat negative thoughts whose only mission is to convince me I am alone and don’t even have you.
    Or that the romance space in my heart is just a museum, a self reflection room.
    Because evidently the only love I need is the one you planted in me.
    I am getting quicker at spotting my faithless moments, tactfully.
    When my brain goes to the dark side.
    Working to convince me to decide this relationship of care that we share, is only in my mind.
    Just a comforting space I had to label and set aside.
    All while I continued to reference an Invisible man in the sky.
    I get made fun of by my inner critic and dark side.
    Poking at me. Tempting my mind.
    Causing me to lose faith.
    Since I hear their false words and take heed like they say.
    I’m an imperfect skin sack, so of course sometimes I listen and believe all the viruses they push into me.
    I stopped trying to fight back.
    Like I deserved the pain they brought me.
    The isolation they caused me.
    Some kind of cosmic karma indeed.
    Causing me to work overtime on regrowth and replanting.
    So I became my soul gardener, to remove the dead weeds and seeds my ego keeps re-planting.
    I have learned that I need to make a conscious decision to tend to my garden daily.
    Positive affirmations, and self-love repeatedly.
    No matter what.
    As life is like the weather, it changes with no heads up.
    No explanation.
    It’s all part of the experience of living, feeling and all the high hurdles these spirits can overcome.
    And regardless of the preparations you made, things are going to be tough and sometimes you will want to give up.
    Even if the seeds of joy and love are planted in soil, watered daily within us.
    Because life was never meant to be easy and sweet.
    It was meant to be experienced by the few selected to live purposely.
    Love is within me, I can water that endlessly.
    I can nurture me.
    I just grew up seeing and believing having needs makes you a burden on everybody.
    Which in turn pushed me to uproot new healthy roots, that felt foreign to my body.
    I’m trying and that counts for everything.
    I know life is going to forever be an emotional wave of down and up for me.
    So I will ride each one with hope and trust.
    That one day on this sail of life, love from another, is a stop my heart will find.
    I just need to stick it out long enough to make it through the storms, that are shaping another’s heart to fit mine.

    Sierra

  • Prescribed Z”s

    Doc these prescribed Z’s have stopped working.
    My mind has been busy doing double shifts and mentally I’m hurting.
    While my prefrontal cortex tries to see what decision is best for me.
    But its already rolling on 3am in between these sheets.
    Do I stay up thinking nonstop?
    Playing my own god.
    Trying to turn all my negatives into positives round the clock.
    A perfectionist, I wish I was not.
    As I assault my brain from every way, just to make the thoughts stop and go away.
    Beat them into submission force them to enter deep z’s, I’m tired of being fucking tired.
    I think….yeah that’s our problem silly.
    I need something stronger prescribed to me.
    Maybe a pill that comes equipped with self defense ability.
    Thought maga
    Like it can knock the crap out of every unnecessary thought that comes to push peace off..
    Specifically when I am trying to shut my eyes to get some respite, from the mental attack.
    Of me against me in every instance, there I am at.
    I just need some rest as you can see.
    My thought processing is at war with my amygdala currently.
    Raw emotion vs long term thinking.
    Mr. M says drill in affirmations , as a rebuttal act.
    Jot down all the things you are grateful exist, and with that list you can always come back to it.
    Repetition is the key to this.
    Having Gratitude isnt just on some days, or until you are out of the clouded midst.
    Its an every day responsibility.
    To give thanks for all that has been graciously given to me.
    Not spinning and looping over whose fault it is that I can never stay in a state of peace for longer than an eyes blink.
    It’s always been easier to focus on the negative things.
    Because sometimes the positive is hard to see, since we are only looking for what’s wrong with everything.
    And trust me , if you proceed to look for only the bad in things you will find it.
    And peace you will never meet. It’s a self protection habit formed out of need as a young child who was lacking on some needs. My old program convinced me solace is a noun that can never be found by me.
    Making me only see what I didn’t have , and why good things couldn’t happen for me.
    Just another self seeking human quality.
    Very easy to adopt as your own identity.
    Especially if you are so lost where, rest and peace are what you seek constantly.
    So what do you say doc?
    Any thought maga regimens you can prescribe temporarily?
    I’m not looking for a permanent vacation away from me.
    All I am asking for are less shifts, when I should be sleeping.

    Sierra

  • Solace

    Solace is comfort or consolation in a time of distress.
    I searched many years to find someone or thing that slows down the beats, that escape my chest.
    Unaware I was always under your care. close to where your heart rests.
    Lately I’ve really needed your wings to shelter me from my own mess.
    I’ve been plowing through life with this expectancy.
    That because I suffer, something is owed to me.
    But when I slow down, and stop planning things. You show up and show out miraculously.
    I don’t feel like I owe anything because you love and give without any interest or fee.
    But still I write plans, and assume this time they will work out differently.
    You laugh.
    And I grow angry.
    You quickly pull the pedestal from which I have taken seat.
    Thinking woe is me.
    With some lame victim speech.
    I’m not a victim.
    I’m a warrior.
    And you made me.
    But You keep watching me set fires and walk through flames blaming.
    Claiming to have been burned by you, but its me, I’m the gasoline and match. The smoke fire and ash.
    After I tried to rewrite my life’s blueprint, you still let me come back.
    And even loved me harder than I have ever felt in the past.
    Shown me beauty in the midst of a chaotic blast.
    One I caused no doubt, but you always come with an extinguisher and put the heat out.
    I watched that caterpillar before he spun a silk enclosure
    Where he shed his last, then pain before that chrysalis turned green.
    You brought me back a few weeks past, and allowed me to see a beautiful monarch emerge. You let me feel that peace.
    You never leave, and you should after what you have heard from me.
    Still I push and sometimes I try so hard to sever this line between you and me.
    But even if I could it wouldn’t make a difference. because, time after time you allow me to vent, and you still care so lovingly.
    I’ve always had solace, I never had to go looking.
    I just had to slow down watch and listen.

    Sierra

  • Please, set me free.

    Sickness: a state of being unwell.
    A sickness that you can’t see.
    So it’s easy for most to believe. That there is something painfully happening behind the skin scenes.
    See, my sickness doesn’t have a permanent fix.
    No treatment.
    No chemo regimen.
    Radiation appointments or dialysis requirements.
    No.
    My sickness is an array of scheduled beatings of me spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically.
    My sickness has no cure, it’s forever mine and forever with me.
    A sickness you can’t see.
    But one that can be felt just as bad as any visible disease.
    A sickness you can’t see.
    Most times, they cut the Infected part out of bodies.
    What if I am the infected in its entirety?
    And life is the body I am ruining.
    Then what do you do?
    Still remove the diseased piece?
    I’ve caused enough pain onto them and me.
    Sometimes the best thing anyone can do is leave, permanently.
    Its gotten to the point where I am in so much pain, its numbing almost like self made Novocain.
    I am breaking through layers just to wake up and move.
    Some days I scream, why was I picked to hold this disease for you?
    To break myself and others down, because the anger in me is now oozing out?
    To hold me hostage while my mind spins about?
    Reminding me, that you can see and you are not happy with me?
    Please, just tell me.
    I don’t want to feel this wicked energy.
    I want to be a calming presence, like ocean waves pulled back out to the rippling sea.
    So if you would, please set me free.
    Sincerely, me.

    Sierra