Hi, I’m Sierra Mazzucca. I want to welcome to my little corner of the internet—where words find their way through the heart’s tangled paths. This blog is home to poetry born from the quiet and loud moments of life. I write to give shape to what we often struggle to say—grief, love, healing, hope, faith, and the simple weight of everyday experience. Whether you’re navigating mental health challenges, processing loss, celebrating love, or searching for something deeper, I hope my words meet you where you are. Each poem is a reflection, a release, a reminder that you’re not alone. Thank you for being here.

  • Silently

    There is only one of you.
    You are unique in a world full of identity and light thieves.
    You stand tall.
    And you stand out.
    You have learned to get right back up when you have fallen down.
    You believe you feel more than most beings.
    Though, that’s not the right way of thinking or seeing.
    As there are so many suffering daily, silently.
    They are doing things that unintentionally drive daggers into their hearts further, repeatedly.
    Thinking it’s the right thing.
    Unaware of the depth each blow makes, and spirit keeps.
    There are many people who feel their life is an empty affair. No room for hope do they seek.
    No one is there.
    There is no remedy for a feeling that can’t be met by words our mouths cant physically express.
    Or at least have done so yet.
    The disconnection from tongue to chest.
    Life is lonely and is hard especially when you feel like you are at war with yourself indefinitely .
    You end up playing your own God in human physique.
    Trust me Ive tried numerous times and failed miserably.
    I have fallen so many times I am finding it easier to choose to retreat before taking on pain that has no business hurting me.
    I stay carrying your shield deflecting all the arrows being shot at me.
    They are flying around in hopes to hit me.
    Oh but I am unique , and hold faith like redwood roots for 100’s of decades.
    I stay firm.
    I stand tall and move quietly.
    It takes a lot for me to fall, and sometimes when I do, I do it Silently.

    Sierra

  • Mad Hatter Tea Party

    Oh feeling of regret, why have you chosen a seat for tea on my chest?
    You seem to make yourself comfortable with each day I lose rest.
    Everything is temporary, even the hours I pray I get.
    The dreams I wish I had set.
    I said I want, but am I truly willing to take the necessary steps?
    I say I need, but what do I mean by I or me?
    In comparison to the world I am just a nobody.
    Just a spirit in a body.
    Who feels unseen underneath my skin seams, by everybody.
    Beauty externally is fading, so they keep saying.
    Just another flesh sack rotting.
    Feelings of low self esteem start coursing through every corner of my body.
    Love isn’t lost, its always known where to find me.
    I was always on a mission trying to become unstuck, from the negative thoughts that tell me my time is up.
    I have to un-define and rewrite this narrative, riddled with lies and mistrust.
    Behind my eyes the truth was caged up.
    There I knew I deserved love.
    Still, there was this fiction story I kept adding to.
    In hopes it would become true.
    I made myself too broken to be someone’s whole.
    Who would’ve knew.
    And, it took time and dedication to create this false belief that I am some sort of backwards damsel in distress.
    Who is never stuck or in need.
    It was me that set the scenes, and wrote the lines I’d then repeat.
    I placed myself alone in a position where I felt I had to be my everything.
    No prince charming would come and save this “used to be”.
    Pushed away from everybody, as a measure of precautionary.
    I want perfection and that’s an impossibility.
    An imagination stuck at a Mad hatter tea party.
    Always invited.
    No such thing as perfection amongst the living beings.
    I am alone , because loving me doesn’t come easily for the human breed.
    I create false mental imagery.
    I make the table for every Tea Party.
    All I need is to change the narrative, I keep editing .
    Chaos takes over when you let your feelings run things.
    So yeah regret you may have a seat at my creative table, currently.
    But this story was written before lies tried to suffocate who I am supposed to be.
    And I can take back my control over the things I say and thoughts I believed.
    Even if I try to convince myself I have nobody, woe is me in fluent victim-ease.
    My table is set, but no one but the lies are coming.
    The only thing I can do, is change how I respond accordingly.
    Stop drinking vials of words that shrink me.
    Yes, I may be invited to more Debby downer feeling tea parties, but I have a choice if I want to RSVP.
    I have the power to say No, I will not be attending.
    I will stay where my feet are, in reality.
    Not making up stories that cause me to shrink within an idea of how I am supposed to be.
    Can’t regret what you don’t need.
    If love was supposed to be an attendee, then life will send an invitation.
    But for now, it’s still pending.

    Sierra

  • Light Thief

    You mad I don’t ever want you back?
    You see me shining bright.
    And all you can think about, is snuffing out my light.
    You had no good redeeming qualities.
    Just a washed up, drugged out, old news commodity.
    Even if I was starving, I wouldn’t split bread with a thief.
    Tried to steal my shine away from me.
    Just so you can pretend to look for it, like some heroic almighty.
    You forgot I was raised by the streets.
    I never trusted you as far as my arms could reach.
    While you had one hand pretending to help me seek.
    Your other was always riding up somewhere on my body.
    Sleeping next to you became agonizing and daunting.
    My eyes would be sore come sunrise.
    All from trying to stay awake, to prevent you from taking away my consent, and having your way with me while I slept.
    You never had permission to touch me when I wasn’t aware of what was happening.
    Then you got insulted when I put an end to things.
    Thought your crazy act was going to scare or manipulate me to let you come back into my life, willingly?
    Silly boy, I have said and done worse to myself.
    Even so the things you said, I won’t repeat to anyone else.
    You are chum, no nerve. just fat trash.
    Just to give you further context on that, in case you cant see, this is my last piece about a wicked disgusting light thief.

    Sierra

  • My Emma

    I’m so sorry my Emma.
    I should not be crying hysterically.
    But you were still and always will be my kitty.
    I remember when I first met you.
    You, your mom and siblings were rescued.
    You were always the spunky one out of your crew.
    You were so sweet, you’d get excited when Id clean the room.
    You knew seeing me meant treats for you.
    You started to like me.
    And I fell inlove with you.
    Then I was sad, but happy when someone adopted you.
    I cried but was elated someone will get to experience the sweet sunny spirit in you.
    Then sadly my sister died, and I was so broken.
    And left utterly empty inside.
    But Something happened and you came back into my life.
    Like she sent you, to try to comfort my heart and make it feel alright.
    So I adopted you, and I loved you.
    It took a year for you to acclimate to everything new.
    But once you did, you were a silly little cat who enjoyed antagonizing the birds under the sun rays out back.
    Then one day the universe took it all away. The house, the birds your safe space.
    Your home, your happiness and grace.
    I had to make the heart wrenching decision to give you away.
    As I had no choice I was looking for a home to stay.
    I thought I sent you to a safe place.
    Where you would get love, care and kindess for the rest of your long days.
    I’m so sorry you died alone, without me.
    Without comfort, that broke me.
    I hope you are running free.
    Please do me a favor say hi to my sissy.
    I will always love you Emma, my kitty.

    Sierra

    I’m so sorry Emma. I will always Love you.

  • I am all

    People say a lot.
    Especially when they don’t.
    They tell you with their actions.
    Not words, as truth telling those alone won’t. Under the costumes, my spirit tried translating the feelings I kept to myself.
    The spirit ended up taking on so much pain, it began to resent whoever I became.
    Whichever role I called self.
    This person who was too stubborn to ask for help.
    So I started creating different roles, within this one self.
    A God, lover, friend, and enemy.
    Whatever the character, it was played by me.
    I was silent but these roles were loud and they governed me.
    Not one of them was a true image of me.
    They were just these scripts being read by me.
    There was no hero in my story.
    So I became the villain.
    For a long time I kept away from any new relations.
    It took years to realize the enemy I thought I was running from, had actually lived inside.
    How could I have been my best friend, when I was my own demise?
    I was a wolf hiding behind human skin, wearing a God complex disguise.
    Always pushing myself beyond the human lines.
    Running with the white rabbit, I blame this obsessive mind.
    Chaos is always on the rise.
    Causing me to feel the need to control every part of my life.
    Feeding the bad wolf, allowing it to thrive.
    Encouraging the enduring of pain, as I am drowning Inside.
    What kind of friend am I if I don’t throw myself a line, play my own ….wait that thought doesn’t need to be transcribed.
    Smiling with only my eyes.
    Written on my mirror ten times: “You are so strong”.
    A line fed to me most of my life by wolves hunting blind, in sheep’s clothing.
    There am I.

    Sierra

  • Same goal, different mindset

    I cant trust you anymore.
    I know I’ve said it many times before.
    But, you stay closing doors.
    Same ones that I prayed would open for me before.
    You tell me a truth, your truth.
    Which is only downtown alley honesty, for gullible fools.
    Just a fluke, nothing more than a thiefs barter for fake jewels.
    Polish me accordingly.
    Convince me to stop trusting everybody.
    But have faith that you’re telling me the truth, with the same lies you have taught me to use.
    It’s not lying if you beLIEeve it to be true.
    Which is the message you yourself ego, kept on a loop.
    Again and again. Just replaying Inside my head.
    Poisoning new seeds, that I sow with loving intent.
    You know exactly what to say to get under my skin.
    Into my mind, suffocating my light.
    You treacherous time consuming manipulative sin.
    Which I now use as another word to describe your unwanted position.
    But like my human condition, you exist.
    That’s not saying much, but it is what it is.
    I just want to coexist without your bully tactics.
    Learn to trust people before you sabotage it.
    Stop manifesting my own doors to be slammed.
    Instead look at it like there is now less room for ego to demand.
    Remove the defected old source of power, control and commands.
    This process is never going to end.
    As long as I keep elevating myself without the sole use of my “me center”, again.
    Trust is earned not instantly gained.
    A work in progress for years, not days.
    The improvement with the new program has allowed me to see from this other side, one that doesn’t only rely on ideas and memories of who this me is and why.
    That once worked successfully, but my needs have changed, internally.
    New narrative, same goal.
    With a dfferent mindset.
    Just delete the old.

    Sierra

  • Survival out of necessity

    Throughout our lifeline, we will create safety and survival mechanisms out of necessity.
    The human ability to adapt, accordingly.
    All of which at some point in time served a purpose, in the name of surviving.
    Easily able to take the impact of the arrows that were aimed at me, for strengthening.
    I’ve grown quite familiar with pain, anger, regret and shame.
    And how my anxiety takes over, where joy finds it hard to create a space to claim.
    Or why motor proteins transport vesicles, filled with endorphins along cellular tracks either way.
    It doesn’t matter if their delivery sticks or stays.
    It just keeps bringing happiness closer with each step it takes.
    That’s silent faith.
    I have fought myself at every life corner and stage.
    All in the name of a lie, that happiness is an impossible feeling for me to attain and maintain.
    Though, I couldn’t express what made me feel that way.
    For decades, I became my own troll under the bridge I made.
    Preventing smiles, giggles and glee from being part of my day.
    Like I couldn’t stop the old narrative from
    Auto-piloting inside me.
    Not even realizing if I just let go, I will allow God to do his thing.
    So worrying about everything out of old habit, will now be his responsibility.
    And loud faith will replace the whispering doubt structured beams, that once supported me.
    I can finally burn the bridge I built out of survival and security.
    Here’s to giving up old behaviors that no longer suit me or produce positivity.
    I’m handing over all my pain and anxiety, as Mathew 6:34 reads be not anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.
    I don’t have to be in fear worrying.
    All I have to do is ask and it will be given to me.
    Knock, and he will open his door welcoming.

    Sierra

  • Postmarked packaged worries

    The wind was so strong, it was shaking me.
    At first I fought back instinctively.
    Fight or flight have always been the only options I seen.
    Because I stay prepared for tragedies.
    With fists clenched and white knuckles, just ready.
    Fighting old habits and tendencies.
    Right when I told myself to just let go and let it be, the wind became warm and started to hold me.
    It hugged and held me, where human touch was missing.
    It consoled my heart when It felt detached, from a soul who always had its back.
    All the energy I wasted on being sad and angry.
    I never stopped to allow myself to get lost within mother natures breeze, purposely.
    I always tried to fight my way out of everything.
    When those were the exact moments a lesson he was teaching.
    Which may be the reason, the lessons I had to keep repeating.
    Always trying to control everything except myself and the thoughts I kept receiving.
    But there is a shift happening more, I am now feeling.
    Its slow but things are changing.
    If I keep tending to false beliefs and holding onto pain that doesn’t serve me.
    I won’t feel the sun keeping me company.
    Or notice the clouds playing hide n seek.
    Or the wind caressing my body, and spirit so nurturing.
    The flowers that welcome bees and pose for pictures effortlessly.
    So many things I fail to see when I am in a state of fight or flight.
    Which used to be 24/7 for me.
    But lately, I’ve been grabbing all my worries and sending them to you.
    As said in Psalm 55:22: “Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you.”
    These were words I read before, but I never believed them to be true.
    So now all my stress is postmarked to you.
    I’d rather feel the wind, and smell the morning dew.
    Then go through life feeling restless and discontent, all because I didn’t have faith in you.

    Sierra

  • Chariot of flames

    When I was kid, we were always at the beach.
    Lifeguard station 26, Santa Monica is where we’d be.
    End of Oceanpark, where the sand met the wooden path burning.
    Splinters were sure to be had if sandals were not worn. But the pain wasn’t bad.
    Because we were free, and the ocean provided that.
    Sand Castles, tanning, swimming, and Frisbee.
    Sandy Salami sandwiches and chips.
    We were so happy to be in a place where, it was ok to be a kid.
    Mom digging holes for us to play in.
    Never realizing, those moments would be the ones my memory would be left replaying.
    Then my mind tries to take those pure moments away.
    Forcing me to focus on why your life ended that way.
    Because my grief has a way of sneaking in when I have started to settle in.
    4 years without you on earth, but 7 years since I last hugged you or we exchanged words.
    That really hurts.
    I try to push through because I know I have to, but I miss you.
    Like really fucking miss you.
    What is most painful is I never will get to tell you I was so proud of you.
    I am so proud of you.
    I will be OK, but today 1059 days ago you were alive.
    I always wonder if I reached out , if you’d still be here.
    If I could have saved your life.
    But I can’t play God.
    I won’t even begin to try.
    So I have to make a living amends to you for the rest of my life.
    I want to believe you have been with me since you went to another side.
    But grief is like an enemy in disguise.
    It’s like oh remember this time, yeah its your fault she died.
    But no, I am just going through the stages of grief all the time.
    Because loving you wasn’t just part time.
    I’m in denial again because how could someone so full of life be deleted in the blink of an eye?
    Or that you really won’t ever call my line.
    Text my phone. Leave me voicemails being silly.
    Or how I wish you would just call me and we could go bowling.
    I miss you and I wish you could just come home.
    3 years and 364 days ago, you left us alone.
    I wish you would have just walked it off.
    Phoned a friend.
    But you took off.
    Sped so fast, your chariot went up in flames.
    And you left me alone with only memories we had.
    Guilt, regret, sadness, anger and shame.
    I love you, but I am so hurt I have to forever re-live your last day.
    I wish things were different, but they are this way.
    I miss and love you Trina, was all I really wanted to say.

    Sierra

  • Life Sails on Anyway

    I’m trying.
    I thought that was good enough.
    I stopped complaining, and just accepted my life as only rough.
    My heart must’ve been weak, because you’ve had to strengthen me constantly.
    Daily.
    Find obstacles to push me through knowing I will do anything, to not to fail you.
    Show up for myself, even when I don’t feel I deserve to.
    Combat negative thoughts whose only mission is to convince me I am alone and don’t even have you.
    Or that the romance space in my heart is just a museum, a self reflection room.
    Because evidently the only love I need is the one you planted in me.
    I am getting quicker at spotting my faithless moments, tactfully.
    When my brain goes to the dark side.
    Working to convince me to decide this relationship of care that we share, is only in my mind.
    Just a comforting space I had to label and set aside.
    All while I continued to reference an Invisible man in the sky.
    I get made fun of by my inner critic and dark side.
    Poking at me. Tempting my mind.
    Causing me to lose faith.
    Since I hear their false words and take heed like they say.
    I’m an imperfect skin sack, so of course sometimes I listen and believe all the viruses they push into me.
    I stopped trying to fight back.
    Like I deserved the pain they brought me.
    The isolation they caused me.
    Some kind of cosmic karma indeed.
    Causing me to work overtime on regrowth and replanting.
    So I became my soul gardener, to remove the dead weeds and seeds my ego keeps re-planting.
    I have learned that I need to make a conscious decision to tend to my garden daily.
    Positive affirmations, and self-love repeatedly.
    No matter what.
    As life is like the weather, it changes with no heads up.
    No explanation.
    It’s all part of the experience of living, feeling and all the high hurdles these spirits can overcome.
    And regardless of the preparations you made, things are going to be tough and sometimes you will want to give up.
    Even if the seeds of joy and love are planted in soil, watered daily within us.
    Because life was never meant to be easy and sweet.
    It was meant to be experienced by the few selected to live purposely.
    Love is within me, I can water that endlessly.
    I can nurture me.
    I just grew up seeing and believing having needs makes you a burden on everybody.
    Which in turn pushed me to uproot new healthy roots, that felt foreign to my body.
    I’m trying and that counts for everything.
    I know life is going to forever be an emotional wave of down and up for me.
    So I will ride each one with hope and trust.
    That one day on this sail of life, love from another, is a stop my heart will find.
    I just need to stick it out long enough to make it through the storms, that are shaping another’s heart to fit mine.

    Sierra