Hi, I’m Sierra Mazzucca. I want to welcome to my little corner of the internet—where words find their way through the heart’s tangled paths. This blog is home to poetry born from the quiet and loud moments of life. I write to give shape to what we often struggle to say—grief, love, healing, hope, faith, and the simple weight of everyday experience. Whether you’re navigating mental health challenges, processing loss, celebrating love, or searching for something deeper, I hope my words meet you where you are. Each poem is a reflection, a release, a reminder that you’re not alone. Thank you for being here.

  • Awake and Venting

    Better out then in.

    So here it is.

    I’m tired.

    I want to just sleep.

    My spirit is exhausted.

    My mind has taken me hostage.

    My flesh is weak.

    The universe is generous with each new problem it gifts me.

    My thoughts feel cold.

    My body is losing heat.

    I feel like I’m dying.

    But that would be too easy.

    Alone inside.

    Stoic outside.

    My wants I hide.

    Still empty come sunrise .

    And all those bent knee sessions Feel like wasted confessions.

    So I decided to ask myself a question..

    Do you have faith?

    Honestly, I was baffled I’d even suggest it.

    The truth is, I felt like I was losing it.

    Not because it proved to be worthless.

    But no matter how much faith I had, bad things happened.

    And just as bad.

    I used to believe a man listened when I spoke to him silently.

    I trusted a book that detailed how one ought to be.

    I shunned myself when I went against the rules you made for me.

    I repented, but harsh punishment you still gave me.

    But you say I am your favorite?

    I’m no dirt bag.

    But the mud on my face, you caused that.

    I did as you said.

    And why was that?

    I attended masses.

    Praising your name.

    Going blind, for some invisible mans sake.

    I am still fighting demons you made.

    Not to destroy me right, but to strengthen me.

    I lost count of the penance your messengers delegated to me.

    I once believed they actually did anything for me.

    I only confessed, since the bread and wine were free.

    But I never understood how the human in a robe could clear me, with a blessing, some prayers and counting beads.

    I thought to act as a god was a sin of pride? Unholy?

    But what do I know, Im still trying to define I.

    This creation you made, is tired.

    Faith wants retire.

    But then you wake me up again, and again.

    And sometimes I curse because, I just wish it would end.

    But my eyelids open, and a new day begins.

    So it would seem, I haven’t lost my faith.

    Though I will admit, this practice of being conscious has been causing lots of pain.

    I am now aware of the damage I once unconsciously saved.

    So this feeling of exhaustion, is my proof

    I am finally awake.

    Sierra Mazzucca

  • Define “I”

    I’ve kind of always felt like a fraud.

    But I didn’t know why.

    Until I began the journey to find me, myself and I.

    Who am I without the descriptions from others I stored in my mind?

    Say, “I think” a lot.

    But, “I” who? Who is, “me”?

    And how does one think, if thinking comes to you?

    Its not something you can have or be.

    We are told who we are before we can even speak.

    Always heard others defining qualities, whenever someone made their introduction for me.

    So who is this person?

    and why doesn’t, me, myself and I, feel like the same being?

    From the beginning, ego-consciousness relied on me to be “asleep”.

    to collect false identifying traits for this me.

    The mind just kept storing beliefs that assisted in the building of this personality you see.

    Listening to the old narrative which was intrusively loud and endlessly looping.

    Until one day the noise stops.

    The loop doesn’t repeat and you feel peace, something awakening.

    It’s the silence and space your ego has been preventing you from creating.

    Your conscious mind craves this quiet place.

    Its amazing how a single experience can change the trajectory of someone’s life, entirely.

    Setting free the child who was imprisoned in me.

    Shifting my perception of reality through the soul windowed eyes, that connect my human to its being.

    Before now, I couldn’t comprehend, I was being used by my own mind, it was not my friend.

    Attached to me, but it craved ownership of my entire body.

    Even though I kept resetting, ego kept collecting.

    Sooner than later, I became just your idea of me.

    Who unknowingly held onto your thoughts, and kept them as my identity.

    Seriously, Who is this me?

    And how is ego-system still operating successfully?

    I am practicing how to gain freedom from thoughts as the end of thinking is the end of ego, or at least that’s what Mr. T believes.

    He said you no longer will identify with the descriptions or content your ego collected.

    You will feel a sense of Internal peace.

    The world may be on fire externally, but you have found transcendence, awareness of the space in the background of your life.

    Here you are awake, aware and alive.

    Who am I? This moment is me. Now, is I.

    Sierra Mazzucca

  • Deconstructing an Ego

    When disconnected in a deep meditative state.

    I feel my soul lighten and align with peace.

    From the chaos of trying to appease an insatiable ego who calls itself, Me.

    For a few moments, I feel free from a grip that has been depleting good energy, draining me.

    I looked to many different sources over the years, searching for this needed relief.

    I may have received a moment maybe 2, or 3 of respite from my object thinking.

    One thought after another, no space between.Though, thoughts will never retreat.

    I can in a matter of speaking slow them down, by creating space in between.

    Space-thinking.

    This concept is new, and still unfamiliar to me.

    I’ve only ever had a noisy thought after thought, on repeat.Large loads back to back, no separating.

    Never finding awareness, or a state of awakening.

    Ego oversees the table of fantasy.

    Place cards with names assigned to attendees.

    I never send out the invitations.

    The invited, were not requested by me.

    Ego never invites consciousness, to share plates prepared by clarity.

    It only requests restlessness, senseless, and irritability to eat.I unknowingly used to go back for seconds, times 3.

    Now I am practicing pausing before letting just anything filter and exit through me.

    Because I know, I am a vessel for an ego with an Insatiable need.

    Who seeks to remove my ability to find truth between, reality and the lies it feeds me.

    In the past I let this ego fill and sustain me.

    Followed by a gullible dessert, that kept trying to play with me.

    A craving brought on by old thinking.Pause, process before ingesting anything.

    It’s not worth the toll on your soul.

    Or the spirit depleting calories you’ll keep.

    Holding onto fast thought thinking will only serve one purpose, keep you empty and in a state of unease.Eventually turning into disease.

    Killing off the entire being.That you unknowingly kept feeding.

    Spiritually suffocating.

    I learned the practice of space thinking.

    Which is being aware of the stillness in between.

    It is creating present awareness, a feeling of freedom, a sense of inner peace.

    This is what your soul needs to re-charge, from the chaos of object thinking.

    Feels like ego deconstructing to be reconstructed.

    Simple practice of looking at the sky for a few minutes day/night, is a quick release of disconnecting from the ego of me, myself and I.

    Sierra Mazzucca

  • A Promise is a promise

    I saw you today, and at first I was not sure of what to say.

    The last thing you heard from me was, I will come back to set you free.

    I’m 36, and that line that tied that promise from me to you, was severing.

    Because I tried to forget you.

    I treated you, like you said everyone else did.

    When I saw you today, I only saw a little girl confused.

    Just an innocent kid.

    Wondering why everyone who ever said they loved her, always left her alone to defend her own.

    So she made friends with the charismatic pain-body.

    Whose only mission was to reassure the hurt she felt, should also be felt by me.

    It was deserved.

    A reminder, she is still trapped inside me. Lonely, waiting.

    Therapy helped me reach out with tools already within in me.

    Taught me how to use them.

    But when I tried to grab you, you slipped, and slipped away from me.

    Again and again.

    You never allowed me to lend you a hand.

    You said I deserve to watch you waste away.

    It was my fault, is what you’d say.

    But that wasn’t you talking.

    That was our monster of pain.

    I left you all alone, because you became too heavy of a heartache.

    And there the first promise to you that I made, was broken.

    And time was not making it ok.

    You just kept collecting sadness for our coffin of aches.

    Just to use against me.

    Attract other people’s pain goblins, who helped you beat on me.

    This happened so often, I eventually believed the untrue tales of my own body.

    But today when I spoke you listened, attentively.

    Like you had been waiting for this very moment of self clarity.

    I held you like an infant, I cared for you.

    For the first time I covered your ears, so the words of our environment wouldn’t affect or scare you.

    I did everything I could to finally protect you.

    I shared a moment of peace thinking this is a breakthrough.

    I cried, and I felt a weight lift from you.

    For so many years there was this carryon, I just kept adding to.

    Forgetting, there was a child carrying that heaviness too.

    Today, I feel like I rescued a piece of you.

    This does not mean, there are no more challenges to go through.

    It does mean I am aware.

    I am taking steps to undo any untrue beliefs you are still holding onto.

    I am no longer a savings account for misery and untruths.

    I believe in my worth, our worth.

    And the happiness, you, me, we deserve.

    A promise is a promise, even if it may hurt.

    Sierra Mazzucca

  • Pain-Body

    Is it mine? The pain that holds me in its grasp?

    I have been unconscious, and I could not have been any less aware of that.

    I’ve been trying to parent with the pain I unfortunately Inherited from mom, dad, and generations past.

    So naturally I went ahead and caused heartache, unknowingly.

    In the same way my parents did onto me.

    Only now its my words of discomfort her body will keep.

    I was unaware of this pain-body inside of me.

    I didn’t choose to be used as a womb for misuse.

    I just wasn’t taught to take care of the old emotions that kept my ego bruised.

    So they turned into little goblins of irritability.

    Still, for a long time I was unaware of what caused this reactive side of me.

    I never felt like it was part of me.

    But every now and then it tried make me believe, I was a victim who was weak.

    Somehow I trusted the lies it fed me.

    Until recently.

    I heard a wise man describe this dilemma as an entity.

    made of pain within the body that was never released.

    He stated the suffering could not survive In the light of awareness.

    becoming awake within a conscious state of mind, is how to prepare for this.

    We are the light.

    We are the consciousness of the universe, manifested as humans.

    Gifted with life.

    When we are unconscious, and disconnected from self, we allow opportunities for the pain-body to act on behalf of ones self.

    No negotiations can be had, until the goblin has taken whatever hope you have.

    But if we remain in an awareness state, the energy trapped within the pain-body will be transformed, and there we find faith.

    Pain-body is a necessary part of awakening.

    Great things don’t come easily, or painlessly.

    A sword is forged in fire, for strengthening.

    Obstacles are passageways to awakening.

    So buckle up, we’ve got a goblin to Retrieve.

    Not to defeat, because like the light the dark we also need.

    The first step is being aware this entity is there.

    Next, is acknowledging it isn’t going anywhere.

    Now, to work through the pain you have maintained and preserved on shelves, so well.

    This will lessen the pull of the goblins disdain and need to wreak havoc upon your life, making it hell.

    Because it cant work in an environment magnified by light.

    We are light.

    Still every now and then we allow its darkness to suffocate our flame, and replace pockets of love with hate and ache.

    All in the name of this pain-body’s sake.

    But every thought is energy, and I’m not short of those today.

    So just pay attention to where you share your light, as darkness lingers and craves it to take.

    We must connect with the awareness state.

    Take a second to look up to the sky, focus on nothing.

    Within that stillness you will find, the same place where peace has been, and light resides.

    Heaven, is within the light.

    We are light. Heaven is inside.

    Sierra Mazzucca

  • Fall in Line

    Every now and then found in the silence, is a realization within a conscious state.

    You start to see all the roles and positions you were taught to take, without questioning.

    You notice you have been on everyone else’s side.

    Encouraged others and helped them find their lion inside.

    All while ignoring the needs of your own life.

    You were taught to make others feel comfortable, even when you were not inside.

    You were told to be silent and smile through the pain.

    Forced to ask everyone else are you OK?

    All while you were fading away.

    It was a never-ending game of self-abandonment.

    To be someone else’s bandage and quick fix.

    So no one could ever label me as selfish or inconsiderate.

    Because since childhood I have been trading my inner peace, for belonging to a world of hypocrites.

    Who only loved me, if I filled a need.

    I was shown I needed to take care of everyone else, before I could find a reason to take care of myself.

    Ignored my pain to keep peace.

    This all worked for a long time until one day, It became clear to me.

    I have only ever been a human mat, for everyone else’s feet.

    I held doors open for others who would have slammed the same ones, closed on me.

    I exhaustedly explained myself. Repeatedly.

    Feeling like I had to justify why I needed to start caring for me.

    And this is not selfishness or greed.

    This is self-respect.

    Or at least preserving.

    I have only ever been a support beam for everyone else.

    But I needed that support for myself.

    I have become accustomed to drowning internally.

    Trying desperately to send an SOS to you, that never makes it to save me.

    Just so you don’t feel the need to label me a gluttonous being.

    Which was how choosing me, became some sort of myth I couldn’t believe.

    So if you catch me these days, you may notice a slight change.

    The answer yes, has become less used by me today.

    No is a complete sentence, that I practice as part of healing every day.

    This does not make me a cold being.

    It means, I am choosing to return to the place where I abandoned myself at an early age.

    Self- respect means seeing your soul for what it is.

    Which is sacred.

    Your time is valued, you are not for sale.

    In short it means you are no longer actively participating in the beating of yourself, by an ego who only cares about itself.

    I learned many people don’t respect or love you for any more than what they can obtain from you.

    Most live for the labor of emotion that they can drain from you.

    So when you are healing wounds you will notice that you become less controllable .

    You no longer accept crumbs as a form of care and console.

    You stop attracting those who seek to drain you of energy you silently hold.

    You start attracting people who see your soul, not seek control.

    This is only the beginning of the liberation of your soul.

    To be freed from the illusion and beliefs that in order to be loved, you need to forget your very worth and your own needs.

    That is false.

    That was the seed planted long ago, which we tended to because we did not know.

    We were programmed to believe self-love was not healthy.

    Giving away your last breath, was chivalrous.

    But that’s not true.

    Loving yourself, Finding value in everything you do, knowing you are worthy.

    That is healthy.

    That is soul preservation.

    And its the only position assigned to you.

    Start there and I promise, everything else will fall into line too.

    Sierra Mazzucca

  • Request received

    I messed around with fire expecting no burns.

    I played in traffic with my guilt, hoping it gets hit first.

    Only attracted one type of male, now my future needs feel cursed.

    I keep catching them, but keeping them has proven harder and hurts.

    I allowed myself to be a when you need remedy, for a life you hate but still not enough to be with me.

    I changed myself for the better, yet the old version is still the only one you see.

    Continue working on myself.

    While you point fingers at everyone else, because you’re unhappy.

    I read the Bible to get direction.

    You read it then, use it as a form of weapon.

    You think because you kneel and pray, that you’re dismissed from all the sins you made?

    Well that’s your business, and your confessions to make.

    All I am saying is, if something isn’t working, why continue to partake?

    Unless you have not healed, and a punishment is what you feel you deserve to take.

    I just feel bad because the further I elevate the more I see, the damage to your spirit that’s preventing you from setting yourself free.

    I’m no one to tell anyone how to live or be.

    But I can share my own experiences and what that looks like for me.

    I no longer constantly treat my heart like a punching bag. Progress, is the word for that.

    Because eventually one hit, will very well be my hearts last .Life is gonna end one day yes, that is a fact.

    So why do we waste time indulging in things that only steal from future opportunities, that could be had.

    So don’t sit on hells bench, expecting not to one day feel its draft.

    We give the universe requests and its delivers them, just as we ask.

    Sierra Mazzucca

  • Delulu’s Fantasy

    We have a creative imagination, me, myself, and I.

    I prepared for these moments long ago with you, but only in my mind.

    So I only anticipated, how your lips would feel against mine.

    Or how soft your skin would be, and the scent you’d leave on me.

    I wasn’t aware my subconscious would plot, to suffocate my dreams.

    Just to continue its ability, to manipulate me.

    Because it wanted me to be gullible.

    It needed me to achieve The fantasy it created using me.

    and the hope I stashed within the corners of me.

    It does all this so I could have the audacity, to continue to live in my world of make believe.

    While unconsciously messing up my actual reality.

    Silly thought processing, we’ve gone and created a new scene.

    To add to the story of, Delulu’s fantasy.

    Though it’s based off of my feelings.

    My subconscious has a way of, being a little misleading.

    But sometimes it’s informing.

    It allows me to see clearly.

    Where I see hope, you will only see opportunity.

    When I have a dream, you will only have a scheme.

    How I love, you will never need.

    I’m looking for a mutual exchange, when it comes to the meeting of one another’s needs.

    Whether Physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually.

    You, can’t just meet one, and not the other three.

    I’m aware of what I want.

    Until then, I won’t continue to let my subconscious captain my reality.

    Especially when it comes to emotions and roles. they were assigned previously.

    Straight from the story of, Delulu’s Fantasy.

    Sierra Mazzucca

  • Are we Alright?

    It’s so loud
    The tears and blood that violently hit the ground.
    Miles away, but felt and heard all around.
    On life’s, not so merry-go-round.
    Fear is the scent of suffering aloud.
    And my inner space isn’t any quieter now.
    I get no breaks.
    Unless I take, a large dose of prescribed sleeping aid.
    Even that is not working great these days.
    Nighttime is breeding ground for thoughts to ruminate
    Time to put them all in the lineup, and begin to interrogate.
    Inside, outside , daytime, nighttime.
    I never feel 100% peace anywhere.
    How does anyone feel alright?
    Or sleep at night?
    Humanity is causing humanity needless pain.
    With more inconsolable suffering.
    Our earth is crying.
    Humans are carelessly dying.
    Most people alive today are not living, they’re barely surviving.
    Whether you live in riches and need for nothing.
    Or in a tent, surrounded by nothing but sand.
    Where there is hope…But not in man.
    The most infertile place is the best womb for faith.
    Fear is but a physiological experience, not a permanent state.
    That doesn’t lessen the blood that is being spilt every day.
    Though it is a reassuring thought, that nothing can ever stay the same.
    Not even the terror, that holds hostage my sleep.
    Or the pain felt when hearing about another careless death, or bombing.
    Humanity, we are loud. And mother earth is crying.
    The creator watches with sadness as he tries to decide, if we are ever gonna be worthy of this gift of life.
    With the state the world is in…
    I ask again, how does anyone feel alright?

    Sierra Mazzucca

  • Curiosity

    I’m not damaged.

    I’m not broken.

    Stop repeating lies and losing focus.

    I’m on a mission to find why.

    I trade hope for closeness, every time.

    Where did I learn this unhealthy habit of mine?

    I should have already recognized by the beginning signs.

    If they are never curious beyond the depths, of my surface line.

    Not intrigued about the hobbies or interests I like.

    They never come into this, looking to build.

    So why do I go in with hope for something to grow, where I know it never will?

    I don’t need more chemistry.

    But some reciprocal curiosity wouldn’t dampen things.

    You are only engaging at the capacity you can.

    I want depth, where you choose to host shallowness.

    You want an unemotional investment that has a high yield savings, for your own self interest.

    Your enjoyment was your intention.

    Pleasant moments with no entanglements.

    I wanted consistency and emotional stability.

    You wanted clarity.

    As to why I couldn’t just enjoy what you were generously offering.

    Which was limited emotional bandwidth, and physical intimacy as bonding.

    I just wanted to know your intentions with me.

    I don’t believe that was an unfair request, I was asking.

    Unfortunately we wanted closeness, but two different kinds as it turns out to be.

    It just so happens that yours, isn’t working for me.

    No one’s fault.

    We are not coming from the same place of need.

    I now acknowledge that if I was damaged, I wouldn’t be aching for meaning.

    Like, if I was broken, there’d be no need for reflecting.

    What I said and requested was necessary for me.

    To preserve space for someone who will accept and reciprocate, the same curiosity for me.

    Sierra Mazzucca